You Are Dissipating

staring outside
the moon hides
the stars twinkle and laugh
and the clouds rain toxic gas

the cold air weakens my breath
is this death?
my fingers begin to stiffen
what happened to my intuition?

let me lie on the icy bench
absorbing your stench
I’ll breathe out light
bright star dust-it will be a beautiful sight

i hope you never see the day
come and join me today
feel the pain
crumble in your shame

look around
from above
to the ground
you are dissipating

i hope you never see the day
come and join me today
feel the pain
crumble in your shame

look around
from above
to the ground
you are dissipating

oh the bliss
you really do miss
the fright that is part of your fight
makes nothing but a burial site

crumble in your shame
feel your pain
see the day
see it today

you are dissipating…

Does He Love Me So?

Long gone are the days that I’d strip away pieces of my mind
Where useless energy spent wandering a fool
Spinning my mind
Over time

Time needed
For solitude
For rejuvenation
Clarity

I for one should know
The introverted self
Where I sometimes hide
In my quiet time

So I ask
Forgive me?
For the fear
The neurotic times
The attachment style bears shame
For which there is no one else to blame
But I

No more tedious reflection
I accept the space
To grow
To nurture
To fall deeper-in love

Funny how sometimes loving another introvert
We selfishly forget
The needs
To be
Left
Alone

In the quiet times
Happily
I now sit here
In reflection
No longer worrying
Does he love me so?

The Devil Seeks

In the distant whispers
Heard through cracks
Of borrowed time
I close my ears
To the bitterness it hisses
I turn my back to evil
I refuse to hear
Though I can see
A wicked projection
Of mind shackles
That he, lucifer, has summoned
Through my gritted laughter
I proclaim…
“You can’t catch me,
You can’t punish me,
You can’t beat me!”
Though I’m not immune to mere seconds of pain
For I am human
I can however-laugh it off
In the heat of your game
For the deepest pain does not exist
I have eternal love
And ‘the love’ of which
The devil himself
Seeks!

Feelings Unexplained

Crushing bones
wailing soul
my heart breaks into a million stones

The world seems out of reach
distant
and incomplete

Deafening silence
beats
stricken death

Winter sets
the coldness
paralyzes

Time ticks
my senses stop
I can’t feel my heart

Alive
dead
which way does it end?

Christmas lights
the absence of color
the memory no more

Holiday cheer
sadness appears
the joy the pain

Make it go away…

My Everything

I feel what I can’t see
I see what I can’t feel
All my emotions form in one tear

The pain from inside swells
My outside washes it away
And I’m left holding your memory

There is so much I don’t know
But I know
So much I can’t show
But I see
You tease I don’t know everything about you
But I do
I know your soul
I know you know

Your image consumes me
Your smile warms me
Your eyes lose me
I’m not the same

Tears roll
One by one
Faster and faster
I miss your laugh

Seconds in
I realize
I miss it all
I miss everything there is
I miss every little thing that makes you you

The falling tears reminding me
What you truly mean
To me
To my soul
You are
My everything

The Nightmares that Linger

I fear my breath
You still linger
The aftertaste tingles
My taste buds bleed

Your heartless decay blackens the room
The heaviness of rot
I can’t breathe these toxins
Open a window, please I beg, “just leave!”

Let the fresh air in
Let the breeze purify
Let there be new life
Let me live without your everlasting interference

Why must you be here?
Why must you hold on?
Why must you spread poison?
Why must you stay where you are no longer wanted, or needed?

Aw the beauty of the past
It is not always a fair sight
Your memories trying to desperately come to life
They are nightmares of others
They are nightmares of mine

To Remind Me of You

A haze of shooting stars
Shimmer across the sky
Lace together letters
Making words
Describing you and I

Destined to remain
Thousands and thousands of years unknown
Lovers of the abyss
Makers of the galaxy
Our souls scatter the universe

On cloudy nights
Or rain stricken evenings
Or when the moon sleeps
I am lost
Without the sight of you

I search desperately through the darkness
Hoping to catch a glimpse
A lighted sky
Anything
To remind me of you

Nothing Before You

I don’t want to think of who came before me
I don’t want the images to be seen
Running around free
Terrorizing the beauty of now
The enchanted memory
Of you and me
The jealousy is not green
It’s muddy
It’s thin
It’s dirty
It walks across my chest
It’s my heart’s bereavement
These were small chapters of your life
Ugh, I know
For I am destined to complete the book
Note
All my previous chapters are erased
Gutted in its entirety
For they don’t exist
For nothing has mattered
Nothing
Nothing I swear
Nothing before you

The Crow

Gawking above
Circling around
I witness
A few crumbs falling to the ground

The gentleman’s plate is full
Specks of morsels fall
Quickly I must dive
To survive

“Is that all you can spare?”
I gawk louder
Starved and in despair
I eagerly swallow

Mysteriously disguised
Love spares few
I
The crow
Am left to die

The Illusion of Reality

Perhaps my reality is actually an illusion that I live and breathe
Maybe I don’t really dance across puffy white clouds
Perhaps it is nothing more than conjured up dreams
Perhaps I’m more dead than alive
In this little hell
A fairytale of make-believe

For what I thought was real
Now feels fake
For what I thought was truth
Now seems a lie

Have I disillusioned my mind?
Projecting my hearts desire,
Brainwashing my spirit through a maze of wishes

My mind lies warped
A melted spread of taffy
My heart
Lies in eroded defeat

There is no candy
There is no love
There is no happiness
There is just emptiness

It is all just a game
It is all for sport
A twisted game
A royal laugh

“Who wins”?
I shout, from what remains of me
For I have lost
There is little left
And I’d like to see who claims victory

As I return to meet my maker
To accept my defeat
Hoping to see a new journey
One of a true reality

My Room

There are so many stories living in me
So many adventures life has taken me
All never leaving this room

So many struggles
So much pain
So many regrets

I’m barricaded in my room
The room where my mind lives
In the stillness
This so-called life

All my secrets
Circling
Poisonous pieces-a swarm of thoughts
Showering the room everywhere black dots

When will I leave this room?
Run free from all of you
All the bad memories
Holding me

I want to forget my consciousness
Wish it all away
In a dandelion kiss
See it touch the sky and fall helplessly

To be free of yesterday
The luxury of living in the now
Sharing the thoughts
No longer living in my room

Thank you

Feeling blessed to have reached so many countries with my poetry! Thank you all!!!❤️

Drunk – In All Things Art

Creativity screams
At me
My head spins
I can’t keep up
The direction shutters at high-speed
Slow down please
The bipolar madness
I need time to pause
Splattered paint
Black and White photos
You tease
Red ink spills
Bleeds
Words
Poetry
Lyrics
Short stories
Drunk-
In all things art

With Red Eyes

Baby baby baby
You just don’t know what you do to me
There’s another person living inside of me

Better run over to our church
Grab a priest
Daemons have me thinking wild thoughts
He needs to bless me

There is this secret I can’t keep
There’s this hidden desire
Chasing me
It’s making me want to do
Bad things

Every time you’re pressing your fingers down
Digging into me
Convulsions take over my mind

I’m hypnotized
My pagan ways resurface
Returning me
The goddess of desire begins to baptize me
In a pool of wine

There is this secret I can’t keep
There’s this hidden desire
Chasing me
It’s making me want to do
Bad things

I want to punch you
Slap the erotic right out of you
Let me kiss you fiercely with red eyes

Baby baby baby
You just don’t understand
Maybe you do
Maybe you’re the god of sexual longing
Making me your fool

Let me scream out your name
Let me ride your dragon
Let me inhale your flames
Let me go out of my mind

I don’t want to keep this secret
I want to punch you
Slap the erotic right out of you
Let me kiss you fiercely with red eyes

(The photo is a negative taken by my friend Deisi of me the other night)

365 Days

All my heartbreak years
Have left me devastated and in tears
Never have I had a year
Of endless smiles
Joy and love

Until you

A complete year
365 days of a soulful journey
365 days of a loving partner
365 days of your beautiful heart
365 days of sensual desire

You stole my heart

I cry sometimes
For the happiness
For a few seconds when I’m missing you

But
Never do I feel in ruins

NOTHING can stand in our way
NOTHING can keep us apart
Our bond is sealed
In our souls
And in our blood

You are my angel and devil in one
You are my protector
My savior
My only one

You are the only friend I need
The only one to save me
I look forward to tomorrow
I look forward to the rest of our lives

My lover
My best friend
Our journey into the unknown
The open road
Looks infinitely delightful

Each day
I pray
Each day
I say

Thank you

To the gods
For you

It’s Making Me Weak

Loving you is so tragically sweet
It’s deliciously painful
It makes me want to weep

I’m looking around
Asking for someone to tie me down
Lord let someone hear me please
Anyone-anyone
I’m begging you please

Force feed me some love
My baby’s not around
He keeps leaving me-alone
I know it’s not his intentions
It’s just the way it goes

I’m not crying myself to sleep
I know I’m yours to keep
I’m just missing you baby
I’m hungry for your love it’s making me weak

It’s a restrictive diet I don’t want to entertain
It’s criminal
Who can I charge?
I’m starved of physical love
I need your love

I feel your presence
In the air I breathe
That soulful connection
It makes me want to weep
I miss you baby

I’m not crying myself to sleep
I know I’m yours to keep
I’m just missing you baby
I’m hungry for your love it’s making me weak

The tragedy of love
The blissful pain it can cause
I miss you baby
It’s making me weak
I need something sweet

Oh lord it’s making me weak
So so weak
I need a cure
I need a treat

I’m not crying myself to sleep
I know I’m yours to keep
I’m just missing you baby
I’m hungry for your love it’s making me weak

Your Gift, My Soul

Looking back
Through the window of rewind
Taking me back to the other night
I stare through the looking glass
I watch with wide eyes
My heart a wild mare
Desperate to record
The images
The sounds
The intensity increases
And our sweat glistens
Diamonds decorate our sheets with our jewels
You begin to whisper
The words
So many
Many
Many words
The things you say to me
While you are ravishing my maddening flesh
I cannot translate all of this
I must savor some
I will share this
When you ask me to pour my essence for you
Over your magical wand
Again
And again
And again
An abundance of your prized cocktail
Flows an endless river of love
You make my soul scream
You seduce my mind and body
Leaving my soul in your command
I can’t resist you
I have to have more
And more
And more
I have to lose complete control
I need to give you your gift
My soul

Embers

During my mental fire storm- You breeze in and out of my mind, body and soul like a calming wind extinguishing my fire with a cool mist, sparing just a few embers to ignite our passion when we can be as one again.