Leaving You Behind Me

You said she wouldn’t break us

I believed it to be true

But in the end you were wrong

When you let that woman walk right thru our door

 

You tried to blame it on other things

Tried to make me see it in a different light

I tried to patiently wait

But the stabs just kept coming right thru my heart

 

This woman you claimed to hate

The one you despised when the words rolled off your tongue- I saw it in your eyes

This egg, your seed

Was the only thread of connection to make

Isn’t that what you said?

 

But there she was still making a dent between the love you claimed

Sending notes she still loved you

Calling, texting all hours of the night making any excuse to keep her delusional love alive

How much more could one endure?

So many lies all proving to be true

 

Did she win?

I guess it depends on how you ponder the thought

Maybe the only winner is me

Leaving two toxic souls tied together behind me

 

 

 

 

 

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Nurse Me Back To Life

You took my hand and kissed my soul

Pretended to be the one I would always adore

I rode the love train by your side

I was your one and only and you were mine

 

I thought our love would last

But you left

Now I’m wounded

Leaving a trail of blood beneath my feet

My heart just bleeds and bleeds

 

The love train ended when I started to see the real you

Our love began to fade

Was it me or was it you I missed all the signs

 

All you did was talk, talk, talk

Left me dancing to empty words disguised in a song

A toxic narcissist loved me, used me, deceived me until I wasn’t enough

I was just a girl in love, an empath absorbing it all

 

Xanax helps dry my eyes

I am hurt, angry, crying all the time

Why couldn’t I was see right thru you?

You pushed me so far into the dark corners of my mind; I was going crazy all the time

 

You faked our love

I thought that shit was real

I worshiped and cherished everything about you floating with my head in the clouds

You fooled me, oh yeah you did, you fooled me

I thought our love was bliss, what a fool when we kissed

 

I thought our love would last

But you left

Now I’m wounded

Leaving a trail of blood beneath my feet

My heart just bleeds and bleeds

 

The love train ended when I started to see the real you

Our love began to fade

Was it me or was it you I missed all the signs

 

All you did was talk, talk, talk

Left me dancing to empty words disguised in a song

A toxic narcissist loved me, used me, deceived me until I wasn’t enough

I was just a girl in love, an empath absorbing it all

 

I would have risked my life taken a bullet for you

I would have done anything for you

You were mine and I was yours

Now I am crying all the time over you

 

I wanted to love you

I wanted to be true

But you pushed my love away with all the lies

Took my love for granted for the last time

Now I need someone to save me to nurse me back to life

Weeping Willow

Weeping willow my mirror

I wilt too

I gaze towards my feet

My love struggles to reach the ground

The challenges faced drain my ability to grow

My heart bends-but it does not break

I long to soak the sunshine in

I want to capture the whispers of the moon at night

I desire to feel the wind to kiss my skin- to hold me tight

To break free the of the mental weight so my love can reach the muddy waters

To be able to plant the broken pieces of my own heart to grow free

Leaving pieces of my soul to bloom infinite love indefinitely

 

 

Whiskers

Little whiskers left near the sink 

Left to remind me of your face

Scurrying to wipe them away

I secretly want them to stay

I look for them each day

I hate you I love you

I hate you I love you

The pain is too unbearable to take

I keep wondering did I make a mistake?

Why must I be caught in this space?

Where everywhere I go, every thought I embrace- they lead me back to you

Everything and nothing leads me back to you 

The bedroom smells of nothing but you

I can barely eat

I can barely sleep

I hear your name echoing between the silence of the in between moments of my thoughts and dreams

People who are meant to be

Find a way to fight for what they want and love

They don’t give up

They don’t walk away even if they’re told to leave-they hold on with all they got

There are no secrets to hide in love

There is only truth, friendship and trust 

There is no anger when there is love

But there is always pain in love

Pain is unavoidable when we love

Without pain we can’t see the joy

They are interchangeable 

The dark needs the light and the light needs the dark 

It’s hard work to keep love alive between two damaged souls

People may wander , they may even go away

True love eventually returns to those meant to stay

If not, the whiskers are left to remind me of a dream that once was 

And it is you I dream of

Shame On Me

It is through the loving energy provided by friends from around the world

that I am able to see past the pain and hurt-I see my importance

I see I am valuable

I had forgotten who I was, allowed myself to take the back seat to the ‘insignificant human being’ you screamed vicious words about

I allowed myself to be vulnerable in love, to give every bit of my soul

I lost sight of my hopes and dreams

Though I am hurt and tears find me throughout the day

Where panic attacks make me wish I’d never loved

I do see the wisdom that has been bestowed

I see the courage of a man is to awaken such love and to provide protection of his woman’s heart- I see where I was allowed to fall and bleed

I see where passion was empty of love

I see where complacent love set in

I see where addictions were denied and an abundance of excuses to the questions I asked, “why?”.

I see why I felt I was not good enough

I now see I was not first in the eyes of another

I see where loving someone with no empathy shames me

Though shame on me for not seeing through the veil of deceit

Shame on me for allowing myself to be used

Shame on me for not viewing my worth

No more shame, I am choosing to be first

 

 

Love Chaser

I nibble on a bite here and there 

Keep up the appearance I am still here

Food is no longer desired

But a necessity to just barely stay alive

I rot in my own skin

Not wanting to shower and cleanse the pain

The essence of water will wash away misery, it will make its way down the drain

Now I wonder can I make it through the third day without notice?

I am slowly ceasing to exist

Though I don’t want to die 

I want to just lie and suffer

Punish myself for all things

Even if I know they are all not my fault

I love foolishly

Without walls and borders

I love with every single ounce I have

I want to be loved in return 

I hear the love I so desperately seek, but I don’t see it

I chase ghosts

People incapable of loving me back

I chase the desire

To feel what I will never feel in human form

I chase love 

Love can’t be caught

It can’t be contained 

Love can’t be returned

I must learn to love only myself-again.

True Love Wasn’t Enough

Shattered heart and scattered pieces cut through my flesh

Your scent lingers like salt on my fresh wound

My tears bleed red

Empty and hollow my heart no longer beats

My temporary strength gives way to the thoughts of yesterday

I try to piece every memory

Every word

Every moment I still had you 

Where you were me

And I was you

Now I am no longer whole

This huge gaping hole is here to remind me love wasn’t enough 

I wasn’t enough 

Addictions and demons proved all too powerful for true love