A Memory Book of Love and Lust

I stand still
Water beats forcefully against my chest
Enclosed within narrow glass doors
Steam clouds my view
Alone with drops of poison
I recognize they’re my thoughts of you

They caress my brain
In a loving painful way
Like a slow torturous kiss
The way my tongue used to trace your lips
The way your body swayed with uncontrollable desire
As my mouth danced in between and around your thighs

I scream
I pray
I want the memories to fade
To drain off me like the water flowing from my skin
Into the pipes
To make their way into the ocean’s waves

I want to flow freely
Fly with my battered wings
I want to display my scars
War wounds of love
The beauty of survival
My heart beats wickedly
Ready for a new desire

I am trying to hold on to love’s memory
And I am trying to erase it at the same time
Torn between heaven and hell
A memory book of love and lust
I burn the pages and singe my soul at the same time

Advertisements

The Null Without You

There was no me before you
No beauty in blue
No shine in light
Pitch darkness stood everywhere I turned
Day and night

Even in the middle of May
I stood empty
Without you
Without the love living in you

No music unearthed the null
I danced in silence
Numb to the world
No peace
Just pain
Hurt

Love was not love
Without you
My soul was not whole
Without you

Nothing made sense
Nothing to cure
The desire
For you

Just a poet
Without words
In modern day
Starved
Looking for you

Life was not life
Without you
My body without a soul
Without you

Art stared blankly in depth
The highs sat parallel to the ground
Deeper and deeper
The world was just eh
Without you

Does He Love Me So?

Long gone are the days that I’d strip away pieces of my mind
Where useless energy spent wandering a fool
Spinning my mind
Over time

Time needed
For solitude
For rejuvenation
Clarity

I for one should know
The introverted self
Where I sometimes hide
In my quiet time

So I ask
Forgive me?
For the fear
The neurotic times
The attachment style bears shame
For which there is no one else to blame
But I

No more tedious reflection
I accept the space
To grow
To nurture
To fall deeper-in love

Funny how sometimes loving another introvert
We selfishly forget
The needs
To be
Left
Alone

In the quiet times
Happily
I now sit here
In reflection
No longer worrying
Does he love me so?

I Can’t Describe

There’s a hundred and fifty different emotions I feel sitting next to you
All these feelings I get
Looking in your eyes
Captivating my senses
I’m missing you-
Why?

Thousands of years lost
My heart overwhelmed your found
When your sitting there-
Next to me

There’s a warm smile
Eluding from within
There’s this feeling
I love when it’s happening

I get wrapped up in you
One hundred and fifty emotions-Bottled up
Centuries waiting to unleash

It’s like thunder
Striking my heart
It’s like pouring rain
No wonder I miss you when it’s happening

When the skies cry
Releasing souls
I’m feeling them
Like I feel
When I look in your eyes

There’s a feeling I just can’t describe
I love you more than the word
I love you more than I can say
I love you
I really really really love you
You take more than my breath away

You take my soul
When I look in your eyes
Your soul absorbs mine
Mixed together
I feel all your love too

Why isn’t there another word to describe-
The love I feel for you?
Another word for love shared between two?

The rain has started to pour
I’m lying in bed
Remembering-
Your eyes
The feelings I can’t hide
All the emotions I can’t describe

Loving you more than the word-
I love you
Tortured
I can’t describe

Simply Lost

In the in between,
Of day and night,
In twilight,
I slowly feel alive,
I hear the cries,
I feel the absence of light,
I see the dance begin,
I see the stars align,
And I wonder why,
Why sadness fades,
In the wee moments of dusk,
Where there is no sun,
And no where to run,
I stand in despair,
Oh I must,
Find the source,
Of this wonder,
I scream in vain,
Slash this misery,
Let me lie drunk,
In a bath of wine,
Shaded maroon,
I will find my moon,
And the hell I swim from,
At last may I escape,
The merry-go-round,
Of foolish baboons,
And old fools,
Running amuck,
Tearing the chains,
Abrupt,
I cross over into this unfamiliar land,
Scorn by sadness that slips from happiness,
Where sadness fills the bright lines,
Flip-flopped,
They are one,
Merged together like the sea and sand,
The fury of hell,
The torture of time,
I stand in between,
Simply lost,
This time.

Will you be my Friend?

And so I asked the fair chap sitting on the bench,
will you be my friend?

Would you listen to the stories about my past,
my dreams, my goals, my fears?

Would you listen without judgement?
Support me despite being reluctant to speak,
your opinions,
your own fears,
your own doubt,
to tarnish me?

I want to share some happiness,
glow in the moment,
I don’t want to regret for a moment,
sharing joys,
then feeling the warm piss of your pessimistic view leaving me red, blue,
angry and sad,
wiped from the friend I never had

Will you be a full course meal?
not just an appetizer,
or drink,
will you stay for dessert,
even if it becomes burnt?

And perhaps I will seek your thoughts,
when I am leery of my own,
but until then,
let me own,
just sit here and support me through

I wish to not fear,
what I can and cannot say,
I want to have the beauty of a bond,
I wouldn’t have it any other way

So I ask you here,
today,
in this park,
can you be that friend?

The one who doesn’t turn,
face away,
reflecting negativity,
of a bitter soul captured in envy

Ah, and for a moment,
I give thought to a wish,
for ideally,
it is rare

Rare to find these souls,
where they mirror,
transcendent light,
in a protectiveness,
only true hearts,
true souls,
true friends,
sometimes only us strangers and soul mates know.

Homesick and Dying

I love the smell of pink jasmine in late winter, early spring,
The blossoms aroma captivates me,
The vines grow rapid and free,
They make me homesick,
I long for cozy nights,
Hanging lanterns,
Flickering lights,
Soothing sounds from the water fountain,
Meditating on the reflection of our home,
This place,
The wondrous Mother Earth,
It mirrors a day,
Of yesterday’s past,
When everything was so carefree,
I thought it would last,
The rivers are drying,
The Arctic is floating away,
God,
Save the polar bears,
Sea levels are rising,
The sun,
The dying star,
Creating paralyzing heat,
And like motionless cats,
People just stand by,
Doing nothing,
Acting the same,
Recycle,
Eat less meat,
Clean up the pollution,
Save water,
Stop wasting food,
Do something,
Anything,
Please,
The days are hotter,
We are missing fall,
Only seeing two seasons,
Summer and winter,
This isn’t any fun at all,
California days,
Where did they go?
It’s almost November,
It’s still 91 degrees outside,
We are drying out like beef jerky,
With no fall colored leaves,
Where is the push for discovering natural resources?
The ocean,
The air,
The sun,
Make it come from some where,
Diseases running rapid from afar,
No cures,
People are dying,
The government fighting wars,
That will mean nothing,
Religion,
Oil,
Just get along!
Once our planet collapses,
In retaliation,
For neglect and abuse,
With no one to blame,
But ourselves,
We,
Are killing us all.