Unless It’s On A Wednesday

Sometimes I’m afraid to share
I’m afraid to let you in
Afraid to let you see the songs I’m playin

I don’t want to be judged for my music choices
The current mood I’m in
Or the words I write freely

Music, words, images to relate
They’re just reflectin
They’re just healin
They’re just a moment gettin me through this life

People start wondering if am I about to jump
They starta askin if I’m ok?
Thoughts are just thoughts
Unless it’s on a Wednesday

Move to my right -just feel me
Move to my right – join me if the music is just right
Start to feel the vibes
Let the music in
Move with me
It’s alright- I’m not judgin

Sometimes it’s a good thing
Being who you are
Not who everyone wants you to be
Just be
Just be
Come on just join me

People start wondering if am I about to jump
They starta askin if I’m ok?
Thoughts are just thoughts
Unless it’s on a Wednesday
Unless it’s on a Wednesday

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White T-Shirt and Blue Jeans

I deleted all your pictures today
All of the ones of you and me
I was holding on to a few
The ones that use to save me and get me through
Now I’m setting those memories free
Forgetting who we used to be

Should’ve deleted them sooner
When there was no more future
Maybe I didn’t want to erase you out of hate
Maybe I was waiting for my first blind date

There’s finally peace saying good-bye
There’s no more tears to wipe from my eyes
There’s never gonna be a missed telephone ring
No more messages or words to hang on to pretending to be the real thing

A straight up mockery
Your love games
Makin foolish girls dream
While you pretend to catch their hearts
Leaving us to fall apart

There’s no reason to hold on to the past
There’s no reason to keep looking in the rear view mirror trying to make it last
I’ve got to keep my eyes on the road
Keep looking forward to the one I’ve been searching for

Come heaven or hell
He’s out there ringing some sort of bell
A gentleman waving and waiting for me
He’s got on a white t-shirt and blue jeans
He’s out there looking for me

I’ll be looking for him
I’ll be hollering to the wind
Whispering honey ima coming
Just stand still
Keep waving those hands
I’m gonna find you through the thick and the thin

I’ll be moving on up
You’ll be watching the way I keep steppin it up
The beauty with break-ups
There is always someone else waiting to hold the door open
And closing it behind us as you follow me
As you watch the loss of a good thing
Me standing in the arms of a gentleman with a white t-shirt and blue jeans

Dark Days

I am weathering the storm
Embracing for much more
It’s gonna get worse before I’ll see the sun
I know I know I’ve done this before
How many more dark days
How many more dark days can I take

I’m walking around personalized rays of sunshine
The cloud swarms over me it is dark and vicious
Everyone around me has the sun’s gleam in their eyes
I’m holding a giant umbrella protecting the rain from my eyes
How many more dark days
How many more dark days to shake

I’ve made amends
I’ve gone ahead and made peace with forgiveness
I’ve been trying to feel blessed
I keep standing in the shadow that hides from the light waiting to be pulled into the sunshine
How many more dark days
How many more dark days how many more dark days

Far Away From You

I misconstrued the bleeding from my soul
I was bleeding from my head not my heart
You never held the power to destroy me-I was misled

It’s a cleansing
A proper good-bye
There are no more tears to dry
There is no real loss
You are no longer in the running for my Prince Charming

Good-bye my dead love
I wish you a sweet death
In love-hell where they bury love alive

I’m free from the lies that kept me cornered
Released from the burden of tethered chains
I am a hundred pounds lighter than I’ve ever been

I want to drive on a highway
At speeds over 105
Not to crash
But to celebrate my freedom
I’m fucking over you at last

Today is the beginning
Today is my end
You no longer fit in a speck of dust crossing my path
Or any god damn thoughts where you used to stand

You are no longer my first and last thought
You killed me- finally, at last
You killed the love I used to hold

My love is buried in Love-land
Where it will re-bloom
In a garden of love
Far away from you

 

The Stories He Hides

If I take a male lover 
And he pretends to be mine

I would hate to hear of his past lovers, the ones that bear the darkest of secrets 

Especially those during his drug addiction days

I don’t want to know of his lovers-and if there truly were male lovers 
Doubt will fill my head

and if it is true

I will wonder…

Did he love them just the same 

as he pretended to love me?

I feel betrayed
These are not secrets you keep from your intimate partner

He knew every light and dark part of me 

And I knew very little of him 

Shame on me

The woes of taking a male lover who took another male lover
Though he pretends to be one way

He can’t escape the lies- they’ve caught up to the stories he hides

Diablo Juice

I know the devil himself paid me a visit
I fell in love at first sight
In this little bar on a Saturday night
I thought I was sipping on some beer
But I think that bartender slipped me diablo juice disguised as beer

The band was rocking words I can’t remember
He was sittin next to me and I was shaking like a leaf
I felt like I was dreaming
I thought all my prayers were answered when I looked in his eyes

Thinking back
Daydreaming in reality can be a dangerous thing
Days turned to years before I’d see the light
I didn’t see the beast had been hiding in those eyes

Fake love, cruel love, poisonous drinks
My obsession, my one and only love, I couldn’t think

All those shivers I thought was love
Boy I was wrong
He was giving me a deadly fever
I couldn’t see he was sucking my soul right from under my eyes

I thought I was in love
It was the booze playing tricks on me
No wonder he kept pouring another one for me
Altering my reality
Keeping those lines blurred
Charming me, my family and friends
We all thought he was the shit,
The bomb
But we were all wrong

All the signs flashing neon lights
I walked in the dark
Obscured to the light
I walked high
Following the devil blind

Lost in the dreams and fantasies
I missed the warnings
I followed roads that led me to darkness
Places that were not mine

Fake love, cruel love, poisonous drinks
My obsession, my one and only love, I couldn’t think

All those shivers I thought was love
Boy I was wrong
He was giving me a deadly fever
I couldn’t see he was sucking my soul right from under my eyes

Confused by the pain of hidden deceit
My heart was enchanted by all the lies
It wasn’t until the stars stopped shining
The moon started hiding
The crows swarmed overhead
I decided to pretend I was dead

I never thought I’d give up on someone like him
I thought he was my beginning and my end
Too drunk in love to see the truth
I got lost over and over again with the sights of him

When I came face to face with the hard lies
I woke from the mirage with a naked mind
Stripped of my soul, but my heart was finally mine

A Memory Book of Love and Lust

I stand still
Water beats forcefully against my chest
Enclosed within narrow glass doors
Steam clouds my view
Alone with drops of poison
I recognize they’re my thoughts of you

They caress my brain
In a loving painful way
Like a slow torturous kiss
The way my tongue used to trace your lips
The way your body swayed with uncontrollable desire
As my mouth danced in between and around your thighs

I scream
I pray
I want the memories to fade
To drain off me like the water flowing from my skin
Into the pipes
To make their way into the ocean’s waves

I want to flow freely
Fly with my battered wings
I want to display my scars
War wounds of love
The beauty of survival
My heart beats wickedly
Ready for a new desire

I am trying to hold on to love’s memory
And I am trying to erase it at the same time
Torn between heaven and hell
A memory book of love and lust
I burn the pages and singe my soul at the same time