what we could be

i pretend to feel nothing
to be numb
a false sense of reality
when i am eating
broken glass

i wash myself
with razor blades
dress my skin
with salt

i picture your face
when you ripped
out my heart

i miss your smile
and your laughter
when we pretend
what i thought was real

i miss my soulmate
i will miss
you
until the bitter end

i won’t call
or look
for you
in crowded
streets

i won’t say your
name
but i will feel
you always
crying within me

i walked barefoot
a thousand
lives
i looked for you each
time

i stumbled upon you
after three decades 
i couldn’t believe i never
knew when i first met you

my soulmate found
the heart of my heart
the soul of my soul
i cried in relief

a few years of
epic love
and the illusion
is gone

now i cry in grief
to be dissed for a
high
your other love

i will cry a thousand
more lives
dragging my cut up feet
bearing the loss of what we could be

 

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Whiskers

Little whiskers left near the sink 

Left to remind me of your face

Scurrying to wipe them away

I secretly want them to stay

I look for them each day

I hate you I love you

I hate you I love you

The pain is too unbearable to take

I keep wondering did I make a mistake?

Why must I be caught in this space?

Where everywhere I go, every thought I embrace- they lead me back to you

Everything and nothing leads me back to you 

The bedroom smells of nothing but you

I can barely eat

I can barely sleep

I hear your name echoing between the silence of the in between moments of my thoughts and dreams

People who are meant to be

Find a way to fight for what they want and love

They don’t give up

They don’t walk away even if they’re told to leave-they hold on with all they got

There are no secrets to hide in love

There is only truth, friendship and trust 

There is no anger when there is love

But there is always pain in love

Pain is unavoidable when we love

Without pain we can’t see the joy

They are interchangeable 

The dark needs the light and the light needs the dark 

It’s hard work to keep love alive between two damaged souls

People may wander , they may even go away

True love eventually returns to those meant to stay

If not, the whiskers are left to remind me of a dream that once was 

And it is you I dream of

Oh Henry

It’s been awhile now

Since you been away

It’s only been a few days

But is feels like years I’m displaced

 

I am sad

Making myself mad

Over little things you did not say

Things you did not do

All awhile I am simply just missing you

 

You didn’t do a thing

The mental madness of missing you makes me crazy

Lonely

I’m lost without you

 

Baby, baby, you got what I need

oh Henry, oh baby, baby

 

Spritzed your cologne across my wrists

Caressing them across my neck, my chest, making you exist

I got your scent on me now I am starting to moan

Can’t wait for you to come home

 

Can’t wait for you to do the things you do

Can’t wait for you to make me smile from across the room

Making me laugh, rolling my eyes

Loving you over and over with the silly gestures you make me feel alive

 

One more day, counting the hours

Staring at the moon and stars

Waiting for you to come home

Can’t wait to get you alone

Can’t wait to rediscover the parts of you I want to devour and adore


Spritzed your cologne across my wrists

Caressing them across my neck, my chest, making you exist

I got your scent on me now I am starting to moan

Can’t wait for you to come home


Can’t wait for you to do the things you do

Can’t wait for you to make me smile from across the room

Making me laugh rolling my eyes

Loving you over and over with the silly gestures you make me feel alive


Baby, baby, you got what I need

oh Henry, oh baby, baby

Can’t wait for you to come home

Can’t wait for your scent to roll over me

Making me laugh

Making me feel alive

Oh Henry baby, you got what I need

oh baby, oh baby, oh Henry baby

You’re all I want, you’re all I need

Chaos

I miss the mist of your core
Refreshing
Pure
You cleanse my soul
Drench the drought
And seal the cracks
Of time

I wander through haze
Blended grey
A hurricane
Wiped
Defeated
Finding my way

The angel and devil speak
Desires
Fears
Secrets I can’t keep
Return to me
To share the burden
Of chaos
We both keep

Feelings Unexplained

Crushing bones
wailing soul
my heart breaks into a million stones

The world seems out of reach
distant
and incomplete

Deafening silence
beats
stricken death

Winter sets
the coldness
paralyzes

Time ticks
my senses stop
I can’t feel my heart

Alive
dead
which way does it end?

Christmas lights
the absence of color
the memory no more

Holiday cheer
sadness appears
the joy the pain

Make it go away…

My Everything

I feel what I can’t see
I see what I can’t feel
All my emotions form in one tear

The pain from inside swells
My outside washes it away
And I’m left holding your memory

There is so much I don’t know
But I know
So much I can’t show
But I see
You tease I don’t know everything about you
But I do
I know your soul
I know you know

Your image consumes me
Your smile warms me
Your eyes lose me
I’m not the same

Tears roll
One by one
Faster and faster
I miss your laugh

Seconds in
I realize
I miss it all
I miss everything there is
I miss every little thing that makes you you

The falling tears reminding me
What you truly mean
To me
To my soul
You are
My everything

To Remind Me of You

A haze of shooting stars
Shimmer across the sky
Lace together letters
Making words
Describing you and I

Destined to remain
Thousands and thousands of years unknown
Lovers of the abyss
Makers of the galaxy
Our souls scatter the universe

On cloudy nights
Or rain stricken evenings
Or when the moon sleeps
I am lost
Without the sight of you

I search desperately through the darkness
Hoping to catch a glimpse
A lighted sky
Anything
To remind me of you