A Memory Book of Love and Lust

I stand still
Water beats forcefully against my chest
Enclosed within narrow glass doors
Steam clouds my view
Alone with drops of poison
I recognize they’re my thoughts of you

They caress my brain
In a loving painful way
Like a slow torturous kiss
The way my tongue used to trace your lips
The way your body swayed with uncontrollable desire
As my mouth danced in between and around your thighs

I scream
I pray
I want the memories to fade
To drain off me like the water flowing from my skin
Into the pipes
To make their way into the ocean’s waves

I want to flow freely
Fly with my battered wings
I want to display my scars
War wounds of love
The beauty of survival
My heart beats wickedly
Ready for a new desire

I am trying to hold on to love’s memory
And I am trying to erase it at the same time
Torn between heaven and hell
A memory book of love and lust
I burn the pages and singe my soul at the same time

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Since I Stopped Loving You

I remember the laughter and smiles
Late nights, draft beer, smoking cigarettes
Going nowhere for miles

I found love in you
It was simple
Easy
Love always felt new

Then we threw it away
We got lost,
Things got complicated
We fought with closed ears, closed hearts

Now I carry your memory everywhere I go
It’s gotta be bad juju I know
Sealed in a locket
Kept in my pocket
I’m makin my own ruse
To help me when I’m feelin blue

I’m getting along, moving along
Creating new memories
Doing my best to stay strong
Lookin for a new accessory
To wear around my heart

These sappy love songs on the air
Reminding me of you
Trying to get the words right
They just don’t seem to fit, they’re too small, too tight, too big to keep
me from losing you

Metaphors, recollections, simple impressions
We all got a song or two about rejection
Or love that lasts
Love that don’t

We used to talk about the rain
Dream about the days we’d hold each other through the storm
Every drop that hit the window
Was a tear lost without you near
Rain today is an opportunity for another man
to cease the moment you threw away

I just want to get myself out there
Change the weather
Sing a happier tune
Find someone better looking than you

Now I carry your memory everywhere I go
It’s gotta be bad juju I know
Sealed in a locket
Kept in my pocket
I’m makin my own ruse
To help me when I’m feelin blue

I’m getting along, moving along
Creating new memories
Doing my best to stay strong
Lookin for a new accessory
to wear around my heart

Looking for some happier times
Happier tunes
Looking for a reason just to get by
Smiling was easy when I was around you
All my smiles have died since I stopped loving you

I Asked…

All I asked
was for you
to make me
feel
like I was one in a million

A simple good morning text
a smile from across the room
a simple gesture or
two

I didn’t ask for diamonds
fancy perfume
i didn’t ask for Michael Kors
or Jimmy Choo

I asked for a kiss
a hug
i asked for
sex

I asked for conversation
under the stars
i asked for adventure
even if that was a
picnic in a park

I asked you
to cherish
and appreciate
my love

I asked to see a movie
watch a tv show
i liked
read books together

I asked
for you
to be
present
in our life

To love the
girl next door
i asked you
to love me

And then you walked out the door.

Within My Heart

I wake up
all through
the night

I feel you
walking through
my thoughts

Why do
I sense you
in my head?

Can you
hear me
speaking back
to you?

Darling you
know i love
and miss you
too

You’re literally
gone
figuratively dead
but alive
in my head

I know you
are an
intuitive soul
too

I know you
block
and divert
the gift

The same
way
you block love

A flawed
mechanism
of your
heart

If you can
let me
in

Listen to
the words
i say

Let love
in
let it stay

Love yourself
start there
meditate
and receive

Feel me
enter
feel me
hug your soul

Take the emptiness
and release
the loneliness
and pain

Take the love
i have
the love
i gave

Carry it
with you
i can share

Carry the best
part
of me
don’t be afraid

I can’t
love you
in an eyes
view

But i
can love
you within
your heart
from now to eternity

Blessed is the
forgiveness
i bestow
and an apology
I’ll never know

My Candy

 

I wish I had never met you

I was doing fine on my own

Then you walked into my life

Unannounced

Threw my heart into a tail spin

I fell way too fast

Got caught up in love that would never last

Blind and missing all the signs

I fell hard for you

 

I had the boys lining up

Pushing my buttons

Playing all the right songs

Making me forget I wasn’t alone

Eating my candy

Satisfying all my needs

 

Then you came and moved me

Clouding my judgement

Rocking my body unlike no other

I didn’t see you were no good

God damn it hurts

Boy it hurts

 

Why did you have to go and fuck it up?

Why did you have to make me choose between right and wrong?

I couldn’t settle for just sex when there ain’t no real love

Any boy toy could have just had my candy

They could have loved me

Left without eating my heart

 

You had me enter your darkness

I’m still trying to find my way out

My heart is in my stomach

Can’t think of meeting anyone new

Can’t give my candy to just anyone now

 

I had the boys lining up

Pushing my buttons

Playing all the right songs

Making me forget I wasn’t alone

Eating my candy

Satisfying all my needs

Then you came and fucked it all up

You fucked it all up

Fucked it all up

 

 

what we could be

i pretend to feel nothing
to be numb
a false sense of reality
when i am eating
broken glass

i wash myself
with razor blades
dress my skin
with salt

i picture your face
when you ripped
out my heart

i miss your smile
and your laughter
when we pretend
what i thought was real

i miss my soulmate
i will miss
you
until the bitter end

i won’t call
or look
for you
in crowded
streets

i won’t say your
name
but i will feel
you always
crying within me

i walked barefoot
a thousand
lives
i looked for you each
time

i stumbled upon you
after three decades 
i couldn’t believe i never
knew when i first met you

my soulmate found
the heart of my heart
the soul of my soul
i cried in relief

a few years of
epic love
and the illusion
is gone

now i cry in grief
to be dissed for a
high
your other love

i will cry a thousand
more lives
dragging my cut up feet
bearing the loss of what we could be

 

Misguided Trust

I keep falling for the same ol’ lies
I keep chasing what’s not mine
Sucker for enchanted eyes
Crooked smile bringing me to my knees

The pattern is on repeat
These men I meet
Misguided trust
You keep failing me

They say keep your head up
You’re beautiful, you’re special
I wish you were still mine
Lies, lies, lies
Don’t lie to me

Puttin on the charm
Making me adore something that’s not mine
Liars, cheaters, abusers
Walk away, walk away
Keep your tainted love tame
Keep it away from me

This pattern is on repeat
These men I meet
Misguided trust
You keep failing me

Memories of the past
You keep haunting me
Blasting them on a mother fuckin broadcast
I’m walking thru the twilight zone on every street
It’s the same ghost love with every man I meet

Misguided trust you keep failing me
Misguided trust you keep haunting me
Misguided trust I am on my knees
Beggin you please, beggin you please
Keep em away from me