Unless It’s On A Wednesday

Sometimes I’m afraid to share
I’m afraid to let you in
Afraid to let you see the songs I’m playin

I don’t want to be judged for my music choices
The current mood I’m in
Or the words I write freely

Music, words, images to relate
They’re just reflectin
They’re just healin
They’re just a moment gettin me through this life

People start wondering if am I about to jump
They starta askin if I’m ok?
Thoughts are just thoughts
Unless it’s on a Wednesday

Move to my right -just feel me
Move to my right – join me if the music is just right
Start to feel the vibes
Let the music in
Move with me
It’s alright- I’m not judgin

Sometimes it’s a good thing
Being who you are
Not who everyone wants you to be
Just be
Just be
Come on just join me

People start wondering if am I about to jump
They starta askin if I’m ok?
Thoughts are just thoughts
Unless it’s on a Wednesday
Unless it’s on a Wednesday

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Dark Days

I am weathering the storm
Embracing for much more
It’s gonna get worse before I’ll see the sun
I know I know I’ve done this before
How many more dark days
How many more dark days can I take

I’m walking around personalized rays of sunshine
The cloud swarms over me it is dark and vicious
Everyone around me has the sun’s gleam in their eyes
I’m holding a giant umbrella protecting the rain from my eyes
How many more dark days
How many more dark days to shake

I’ve made amends
I’ve gone ahead and made peace with forgiveness
I’ve been trying to feel blessed
I keep standing in the shadow that hides from the light waiting to be pulled into the sunshine
How many more dark days
How many more dark days how many more dark days

Since I Stopped Loving You

I remember the laughter and smiles
Late nights, draft beer, smoking cigarettes
Going nowhere for miles

I found love in you
It was simple
Easy
Love always felt new

Then we threw it away
We got lost,
Things got complicated
We fought with closed ears, closed hearts

Now I carry your memory everywhere I go
It’s gotta be bad juju I know
Sealed in a locket
Kept in my pocket
I’m makin my own ruse
To help me when I’m feelin blue

I’m getting along, moving along
Creating new memories
Doing my best to stay strong
Lookin for a new accessory
To wear around my heart

These sappy love songs on the air
Reminding me of you
Trying to get the words right
They just don’t seem to fit, they’re too small, too tight, too big to keep
me from losing you

Metaphors, recollections, simple impressions
We all got a song or two about rejection
Or love that lasts
Love that don’t

We used to talk about the rain
Dream about the days we’d hold each other through the storm
Every drop that hit the window
Was a tear lost without you near
Rain today is an opportunity for another man
to cease the moment you threw away

I just want to get myself out there
Change the weather
Sing a happier tune
Find someone better looking than you

Now I carry your memory everywhere I go
It’s gotta be bad juju I know
Sealed in a locket
Kept in my pocket
I’m makin my own ruse
To help me when I’m feelin blue

I’m getting along, moving along
Creating new memories
Doing my best to stay strong
Lookin for a new accessory
to wear around my heart

Looking for some happier times
Happier tunes
Looking for a reason just to get by
Smiling was easy when I was around you
All my smiles have died since I stopped loving you

Free Me

Those that carry all things

Feel everything as real

Every day is a struggle of intertwined vines of emotions

fear, love, pain, happiness, stress and anger

All surroundings are absorbed

Reminders of everything in an image to hold and release

Wings in a photograph

Find a way to free me

Weeping Willow

Weeping willow my mirror

I wilt too

I gaze towards my feet

My love struggles to reach the ground

The challenges faced drain my ability to grow

My heart bends-but it does not break

I long to soak the sunshine in

I want to capture the whispers of the moon at night

I desire to feel the wind to kiss my skin- to hold me tight

To break free the of the mental weight so my love can reach the muddy waters

To be able to plant the broken pieces of my own heart to grow free

Leaving pieces of my soul to bloom infinite love indefinitely

 

 

Shame On Me

It is through the loving energy provided by friends from around the world

that I am able to see past the pain and hurt-I see my importance

I see I am valuable

I had forgotten who I was, allowed myself to take the back seat to the ‘insignificant human being’ you screamed vicious words about

I allowed myself to be vulnerable in love, to give every bit of my soul

I lost sight of my hopes and dreams

Though I am hurt and tears find me throughout the day

Where panic attacks make me wish I’d never loved

I do see the wisdom that has been bestowed

I see the courage of a man is to awaken such love and to provide protection of his woman’s heart- I see where I was allowed to fall and bleed

I see where passion was empty of love

I see where complacent love set in

I see where addictions were denied and an abundance of excuses to the questions I asked, “why?”.

I see why I felt I was not good enough

I now see I was not first in the eyes of another

I see where loving someone with no empathy shames me

Though shame on me for not seeing through the veil of deceit

Shame on me for allowing myself to be used

Shame on me for not viewing my worth

No more shame, I am choosing to be first

 

 

Once Again

Yesterday I dreamed of freedom

I believed the vision was new-found hope

I have been trapped way too long

 

While I began laying out plans, I heard the softness of music it prompted me to dance

I danced in the sparkles that resembled stars in the room

Ah, I had missed the light more than I had realized

 

The time had finally come to leave behind the sorrows wounding my soul

This is the NOW I reminded myself

I must take the reins

Never to look back

 

Mindfulness has awakened the slumber of life that has swayed me and kept me imprisoned by my self-doubt

This is a gift

“The time is now, Stop procrastinating!”, said my soul

 

No longer was I going to allow the darkness of my surroundings chain me to mechanical thinking causing me to lose my way

I am going to reclaim my dreams, my desires, my soul!!

Time to kiss good-bye the past that no longer serves a higher purpose

 

Then the morning arrived…

 

It brought a new obstacle to stand in a way to challenge the dreams of yesterday

I now stand in the middle of darkness and light

Never to be defeated again, I scream at the top of my lungs with my arms extended wide and with the blessings of flipping my fingers, I say, “To whomever is playing this cruel joke, fuck you all, I am not your prisoner anymore!”

 

As my heart pounds, I cannot help but feel a little somber

The constant challenges we continually face

Do they ever go away?

It makes me wonder

Will I ever find what I am looking for?

 

Back to the dreams of yesterday

I must re-condition my mind

I must find the moment of now again

I took two steps back and now I must learn to step forward once again