Dark Days

I am weathering the storm
Embracing for much more
It’s gonna get worse before I’ll see the sun
I know I know I’ve done this before
How many more dark days
How many more dark days can I take

I’m walking around personalized rays of sunshine
The cloud swarms over me it is dark and vicious
Everyone around me has the sun’s gleam in their eyes
I’m holding a giant umbrella protecting the rain from my eyes
How many more dark days
How many more dark days to shake

I’ve made amends
I’ve gone ahead and made peace with forgiveness
I’ve been trying to feel blessed
I keep standing in the shadow that hides from the light waiting to be pulled into the sunshine
How many more dark days
How many more dark days how many more dark days

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Since I Stopped Loving You

I remember the laughter and smiles
Late nights, draft beer, smoking cigarettes
Going nowhere for miles

I found love in you
It was simple
Easy
Love always felt new

Then we threw it away
We got lost,
Things got complicated
We fought with closed ears, closed hearts

Now I carry your memory everywhere I go
It’s gotta be bad juju I know
Sealed in a locket
Kept in my pocket
I’m makin my own ruse
To help me when I’m feelin blue

I’m getting along, moving along
Creating new memories
Doing my best to stay strong
Lookin for a new accessory
To wear around my heart

These sappy love songs on the air
Reminding me of you
Trying to get the words right
They just don’t seem to fit, they’re too small, too tight, too big to keep
me from losing you

Metaphors, recollections, simple impressions
We all got a song or two about rejection
Or love that lasts
Love that don’t

We used to talk about the rain
Dream about the days we’d hold each other through the storm
Every drop that hit the window
Was a tear lost without you near
Rain today is an opportunity for another man
to cease the moment you threw away

I just want to get myself out there
Change the weather
Sing a happier tune
Find someone better looking than you

Now I carry your memory everywhere I go
It’s gotta be bad juju I know
Sealed in a locket
Kept in my pocket
I’m makin my own ruse
To help me when I’m feelin blue

I’m getting along, moving along
Creating new memories
Doing my best to stay strong
Lookin for a new accessory
to wear around my heart

Looking for some happier times
Happier tunes
Looking for a reason just to get by
Smiling was easy when I was around you
All my smiles have died since I stopped loving you

Island of the Damned

I battled love and I lost
I am banned from a universe of love
Exiled to an island for the unloved
I meet this new world in agony
My stomach pains me from the inside
My wounds are open and unable to heal
It is all so foreign to me
This place for the lonely
No one to love me
I feel the emptiness chipping away at my soul
My tears fight to remind me to wash away the pain
To cleanse the place from where I once came
To forget the hurt
Pretend that I am strong
I look the other way in disgust of my new existence
I fight the urge to cry
I didn’t want to settle
Short change my life
But here I am
Damned to the eternal pain from which I came.

Weeping Willow

Weeping willow my mirror

I wilt too

I gaze towards my feet

My love struggles to reach the ground

The challenges faced drain my ability to grow

My heart bends-but it does not break

I long to soak the sunshine in

I want to capture the whispers of the moon at night

I desire to feel the wind to kiss my skin- to hold me tight

To break free the of the mental weight so my love can reach the muddy waters

To be able to plant the broken pieces of my own heart to grow free

Leaving pieces of my soul to bloom infinite love indefinitely

 

 

Whiskers

Little whiskers left near the sink 

Left to remind me of your face

Scurrying to wipe them away

I secretly want them to stay

I look for them each day

I hate you I love you

I hate you I love you

The pain is too unbearable to take

I keep wondering did I make a mistake?

Why must I be caught in this space?

Where everywhere I go, every thought I embrace- they lead me back to you

Everything and nothing leads me back to you 

The bedroom smells of nothing but you

I can barely eat

I can barely sleep

I hear your name echoing between the silence of the in between moments of my thoughts and dreams

People who are meant to be

Find a way to fight for what they want and love

They don’t give up

They don’t walk away even if they’re told to leave-they hold on with all they got

There are no secrets to hide in love

There is only truth, friendship and trust 

There is no anger when there is love

But there is always pain in love

Pain is unavoidable when we love

Without pain we can’t see the joy

They are interchangeable 

The dark needs the light and the light needs the dark 

It’s hard work to keep love alive between two damaged souls

People may wander , they may even go away

True love eventually returns to those meant to stay

If not, the whiskers are left to remind me of a dream that once was 

And it is you I dream of

Shame On Me

It is through the loving energy provided by friends from around the world

that I am able to see past the pain and hurt-I see my importance

I see I am valuable

I had forgotten who I was, allowed myself to take the back seat to the ‘insignificant human being’ you screamed vicious words about

I allowed myself to be vulnerable in love, to give every bit of my soul

I lost sight of my hopes and dreams

Though I am hurt and tears find me throughout the day

Where panic attacks make me wish I’d never loved

I do see the wisdom that has been bestowed

I see the courage of a man is to awaken such love and to provide protection of his woman’s heart- I see where I was allowed to fall and bleed

I see where passion was empty of love

I see where complacent love set in

I see where addictions were denied and an abundance of excuses to the questions I asked, “why?”.

I see why I felt I was not good enough

I now see I was not first in the eyes of another

I see where loving someone with no empathy shames me

Though shame on me for not seeing through the veil of deceit

Shame on me for allowing myself to be used

Shame on me for not viewing my worth

No more shame, I am choosing to be first

 

 

Love Chaser

I nibble on a bite here and there 

Keep up the appearance I am still here

Food is no longer desired

But a necessity to just barely stay alive

I rot in my own skin

Not wanting to shower and cleanse the pain

The essence of water will wash away misery, it will make its way down the drain

Now I wonder can I make it through the third day without notice?

I am slowly ceasing to exist

Though I don’t want to die 

I want to just lie and suffer

Punish myself for all things

Even if I know they are all not my fault

I love foolishly

Without walls and borders

I love with every single ounce I have

I want to be loved in return 

I hear the love I so desperately seek, but I don’t see it

I chase ghosts

People incapable of loving me back

I chase the desire

To feel what I will never feel in human form

I chase love 

Love can’t be caught

It can’t be contained 

Love can’t be returned

I must learn to love only myself-again.