Rebirth

The darkness steered me blind

I kept myself captive, a prisoner of my own mind

I planned my escape 

Contemplated the many directions I could take

It’s almost like I have to drown, float my way back to life

The constant rebirth of the Phoenix guiding me safely home, how corrupt 

I can’t keep up

The delusion of my sanity

An illusion of love spitting profanity

I want to fly with both feet planted safely on the ground 

With a peace of mind that is free and balanced 

No matter where I am

Damn the mother fuckin crisis I was victim to

With roller coasters 

Emotional turbulence 

Bringing my senses to hell right here on earth

Hell is present in your mind

Not some place you’re sent to in another life 

I’m gonna stand strong 

Listen to the only one who matters

The only one who cares

I’m not going to listen to the twisted words of verbal abuse

I’m gonna tune that guilt inside out

Project that shit like a mirror 

So you can see that bullshit isn’t me

Peace out

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Interview

I stand before thee in the mirror,
And the conversation goes a little like this

I see me staring back and I wonder if you will see me?
Will you see me as I see me?
Will I be able to convey my best qualities?
Will I sell you?
Even if I am just myself?
Without expectations,
Not trying to impress

Why must we be judged on everything we do?
Why can’t I be me and you be you?

I stand before my interviewer,
Praying to god,
Can I sell me?
Do I have to pretend?
Carry on with false confidence on places I’ve never been,
Sell you on strengths & weaknesses,
Just to fit into an unrealistic mold?

I stand before new friends,
Praying to god,
Do I have the right colored-skin?
Values?
Humor?
Does it matter the sex I sleep with?
Will I fit in?

Future in-laws,
Dates,
Even ex-spouses,
I stand to be judged,
With standards,
Not of my own,
How am I to fit in a bubble,
Someone else has created?
Why must we stand afar?
Can’t we join hands in our differences?
Form a circle built on trust?
A new melting pot?

I stand before a try-out,
Any type of sport,
And I tremble with fear,
Can I play the game with the right gear?
Can my skills stand alone,
Today?
Will you see my drive?
The hunger in my eyes?
To play the game?

With work, to friends, my choice on who to love,
Sports, even colleges,
To a questionnaire on life and health insurances,
I stand to be judged,
Can I make the call?
Can I fit in?
Stand tall?

Do my answers,
My skills,
Merry up today?

Who are you to cast judgement on me?
Anyway,
Isn’t god the only one to judge me?
Why are the standards set so high?
Why must my experience be the only thing to get me by?

Why can’t my heart,
My determination,
My mind,
My drive,
My grit,
Sell you?
Why must I be someone of importance to see & stand by you?

Why must life be a series of interviews?
Why can’t you see me?
The one I see in the reflection of opportunity.

Only Heaven Knows

I walked with you down the pebbled, dusty road,
I found myself praying to you

hold my hand,
hug me tight,
shower me with your words of wisdom,
under the heavens,
here on earth

It’s not fair,
I mourn the loss of you

dear god,
why did you take only father I knew?
I know,
don’t remind me I am grown,
I miss my grandfather,
only heaven knows

I pray for guidance,
For protection,
Strength,
A bit of faith,
Our life is about to change

oh I know it will all be fine,
what I would give for just an outside look,
a little reassurance into the future,
a vision of health,
of joy

Miracles happen every day,
Just to wake up breathing is a day of grace

to have love,
support,
a hand to hold,
someone to cup your fears,
and drink them away

Maybe I should have paid more attention in church,
Maybe I should have found one faith,
The rebel in me,
Always looking for something new

I have love,
I have the universe by my side,
stars guiding my life,
my twin flame,
my combined family

The selfish little girl in me,
Wishing by some big miracle,
My grandfather could still be here with me

the divine,
the belief,
faith,
love,
strength

You are always here with me,
In my heart,
My thoughts,
Holding me,
Only heaven knows.

Another Life

Why do I think of you,
Every time I hear those songs,
It feels like a tethered cord,
Ripping at my soul

Something I once knew,
Where convictions got the best of me,
And you,
Something we had to see through

Now you’re gone,
There is someone new,
Treating me like gold,
Something you never used to

My life is filled with fairy dust,
Full of rainbows,
Lollipops and sweet licorice,
I’m in candy land

Why do certain songs,
Play like a bad taste,
Making me sad

All those days are gone,
We’re done,
We’re through,
He’s taking care of me,
Something you didn’t do

I’ve moved on,
There’s nothing to show,
Nothing left,
Between me and you

I’ve got to learn to breathe,
Through the songs,
I’ve got to numb you from my life,
Change the sorrow to laughter,
You don’t live here anymore

The nightmare has been replaced,
A beautiful new chapter has begun,
I’ve survived,
Moved on,
To another life,
A sweeter song.

Love That Mystifies

Love that is reciprocated,
tied with giving,
understanding,
acceptance,
and the beauty of meeting in the middle,
is truly a gift,
from the universe,
our gods,
and the stars,
my love,
my one and only,
Is my gift,
a blessing,
and to say I’m lucky to have been bestowed such a wonderful gift,
is truly an understatement,
and there is no word strong enough,
to express the gratitude that truly captures what our love means to me,
I will always love him,
he’d have to be stripped from my soul,
because he is intertwined,
in every fiber that is the essence of me,
and with each breath,
our love strengthens,
bonds tighter,
and through misunderstandings,
our love deepens,
love is revolving,
constantly evolving,
as life’s challenges continue,
to never stay under control,
and through each and every day,
there is peace in my soul,
and in my inner smile,
my outward glow,
our love,
our one beating heart,
continues to mystify us all.

An Epitome of a Dream

Where I do not see the beginning or the end,
Of love,
Or time,
Where my breath is not of my own,
My heart,
My soul,
Beats to yours,
As one,
Where all my pain,
My joy,
My smile,
My cries,
Mirror yours,
I lie in the unknown,
Where miraculously I am home,
Where there are no more fears,
Just hope,
Where everything has taken a back seat,
To the love living in us,
Blended beautifully,
Love so surreal,
An epitome of a dream,
I never want,
To wake from.

In Your Heart and Soul

Fragile little souls,
I won’t let you down,
I’m your rock,
You give me strength,
To teach you the ways of the world,
Giving you hope, and courage,
Your strength resides in me,
And mine in yours,
My little angels,
Today is all we have,
We can make our life grand,
Live a better tomorrow,
Leave your fears in my hands,
I’ll cup them,
And blow them away,
Into the sky,
Off, off, and away,
No more fears,
Mommy is here,
Forever,
In your heart, and soul,
Never to leave you alone.